Ending the smoking debate
A great and hilarious rebuttal to the smoking in public argument courtesy of b3ta.
If, like me, you’re a staunch non-smoker tired of hearing the (unprompted) rantings of smokers over their right to smoke, do what I do — repeat their own arguements back to them, but replacing the words “smoke” and “smoking” with “wank” or “wanking”. As in…
“It’s my legal right to wank in public.”
“The government shouldn’t be able to tell us where or when we can wank.”
“I should be allowed to wank on the bus/train/plane.”
“If non-wankers don’t like me wanking they can stand somewhere else.”
“Who says wanking sections in restaurants put people off their food?”
Now, inevitably these people will point out, probably in a self-righteous or disgusted fashion, that smoking and wanking are two entirely different things. In response you can tell them you agree, because —
1. No-one ever died from second-hand wanking.
2. Wanking never gave anyone a terminal disease.
3. Except in extreme cases, and every human being between the ages of roughly 12 - 16, wanking isn’t addictive.
4. Millions of pounds of our tax money doesn’t get wasted each year helping adults that should know better to quit their wanking habit.
5. Very few people wank around their children and claim it doesn’t do them any harm.
6. The government can’t levy a tax on wanking.
7. When enjoyed responsibly, wanking doesn’t make your hair, clothes or breath smell, and any stains are machine-washable.
Now, I actually don’t have anything particularly against smokers, but it’s always amusing watching the more self-righteous amongst them struggling with the undeniable fact that my filthy habit is no worse than theirs when you get down to brass tacks…
